I don't need you to remind me of my age. I have a bladder to do that for me.
Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese.
If you live to be one hundred, you've got it made. Very few people die past that age.
No, no, I was only funny on stage, really. I, I, think I was funny as a person toward my classmates when I was very young. You know, when I was a child, up to about the age of 12.
The funniest racism is the racism between minorities. It's something you don't see dramatized, but almost every minority I know who's my age, they have these funny stories about their parents stereotyping other minorities.
A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, 'At my age, I don't even buy green bananas.'
Man cannot live by bread alone: he must have peanut butter.
If men knew how women pass the time when they are alone, they'd never marry.
Laugh and the world laughs with you, snore and you sleep alone.
Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!
It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.
Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.
You re-watch 'Napoleon Dynamite', and there's a lot of thrift shopping that goes on in that movie: there's a lot of funny stuff. It's definitely amusing, and paying 99 cents for a samurai sword is amazing.
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