Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

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I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Tags: | Rodney Dangerfield,Life,Food,Mirror,

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

Tags: | Rodney Dangerfield,Best,Respect,Woman,

My wife wants sex in the back of the car and she wants me to drive.

Tags: | Rodney Dangerfield,Wife,Sex,Me,

I looked up my family tree and found out I was the sap.

Tags: | Rodney Dangerfield,Funny,Tree,Up,

I looked up my family tree and found three dogs using it.

Tags: | Rodney Dangerfield,Pet,Tree,Three,

I'm at the age where food has taken the place of sex in my life. In fact, I've just had a mirror put over my kitchen table.

Tags: | Rodney Dangerfield,Life,Age,Mirror,

I haven't spoken to my wife in years. I didn't want to interrupt her.

Tags: | Rodney Dangerfield,Wife,Want,Years,

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Tags: | Rodney Dangerfield,People,Look,Fat,

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

Tags: | Rodney Dangerfield,Luck,Way,Honest,

Rodney Dangerfield

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