Mitch Hedberg Quotes

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Why is Cloud 9 so amazing? What is wrong with Cloud 8? That joke came off the top of my head, and the top of my head ain't funny!

Tags: | Mitch Hedberg,Funny,Cloud,Wrong,

I wanted to buy a candle holder, but the store didn't have one. So I got a cake.

Tags: | Mitch Hedberg,Cake,Candle,Wanted,

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.

Tags: | Mitch Hedberg,Fire,Me,Said,

I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at any car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.

Tags: | Mitch Hedberg,Cars,Man,Know,

Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or just a really cool Opotamus?

Tags: | Mitch Hedberg,Just,Hippopotamus,Really,

I don't have a girlfriend. But I do know a woman who'd be mad at me for saying that.

Tags: | Mitch Hedberg,Woman,Me,Know,

I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later.

Tags: | Mitch Hedberg,Sick,Ask,Following,

Fettucini alfredo is macaroni and cheese for adults.

Tags: | Mitch Hedberg,Cheese,Macaroni,

A waffle is like a pancake with a syrup trap.

Tags: | Mitch Hedberg,Trap,Like,Waffle,

Mitch Hedberg

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