If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.
My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!
My father-in-law gets up at 5 o'clock in the morning and watches the Discovery Channel. I don't know why there's this big rush to do this.
I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.
You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.
That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
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