Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.
I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.
I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.
My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad: but New York City?
If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.
When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.
If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.
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