Henny Youngman Quotes

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Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

Tags: | Henny Youngman,Music,Time,Marriage,

I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me.

Tags: | Henny Youngman,Love,Woman,Wife,

I know a man who doesn't pay to have his trash taken out. How does he get rid of his trash? He gift wraps it, and puts in into an unlocked car.

Tags: | Henny Youngman,Man,Gift,Know,

My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.

Tags: | Henny Youngman,Brother,Wash,Lifeguard,

I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays.

Tags: | Henny Youngman,Holidays,Become,Atheist,

My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that's not so bad: but New York City?

Tags: | Henny Youngman,Time,Drunk,City,

If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving.

Tags: | Henny Youngman,Succeed,You,First,

When God sneezed, I didn't know what to say.

Tags: | Henny Youngman,God,Know,Say,

If you're going to do something tonight that you'll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.

Tags: | Henny Youngman,Morning,Sleep,Tomorrow,

Henny Youngman

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Henny Youngman - Wikipedia
Henny Youngman: King of the One-Liners - YouTube
Henny Youngman Comedy Performance on Dick Clark LIVE - YouTube

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