Gilbert Gottfried Quotes

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I'm one of those people, in any country I'm in, if somebody could just put me in a car or a bus, I'll look out the window and say, 'OK, there's the Tower of London, there's Buckingham Palace, there's Big Ben,' and if it all takes about five minutes, perfect. I've seen all of it and I can go home.

Tags: | Gilbert Gottfried,Home,London,People,

My family originally lived in Brooklyn. Our first apartment was a little place above my father and uncle's hardware store in Coney Island. Now, don't get the impression that we were surrounded by merry-go-rounds, roller coasters and Ferris wheels. Nope, this was a little side street.

Tags: | Gilbert Gottfried,Father,Island,Brooklyn,

If someone else is paying for it, food just tastes a lot better.

Tags: | Gilbert Gottfried,Better,Someone,Just,

The pressure to being a comedian is being funny, but I've given that up, so there is no pressure whatsoever.

Tags: | Gilbert Gottfried,Pressure,Being Funny,Up,

With me, traveling for work is arriving at the airport, checking into the hotel, leaving the hotel the next morning at 4 or 5 to do something like 'The Jimmy and Jackie Captain Crazy Morning Zoo,' doing a bunch of those in a row, then going back to the hotel, and then finally going to the club.

Tags: | Gilbert Gottfried,Work,Crazy,Doing,

I always wish the hotels were like they are in movies and TV shows, where if you're in Paris, right outside your window is the Eiffel Tower. In Egypt, the pyramids are right there. In the movies, every hotel has a monument right outside your window. My hotel rooms overlook the garbage dumpster in the back alley.

Tags: | Gilbert Gottfried,Wish,Window,Hotel,

I can't even find someone for a platonic relationship, much less the kind where someone wants to see me naked.

Tags: | Gilbert Gottfried,Me,Find,See,

I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood.

Tags: | Gilbert Gottfried,Funny,Childhood,Clown,

With me, traveling for work is arriving at the airport, checking into the hotel, leaving the hotel the next morning at 4 or 5 to do something like 'The Jimmy and Jackie Captain Crazy Morning Zoo,' doing a bunch of those in a row, then going back to the hotel, and then finally going to the club.

Tags: | Gilbert Gottfried,Morning,Crazy,Doing,

Gilbert Gottfried

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