Emo Philips Quotes

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A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

Tags: | Emo Philips,Chess,Me,Boxing,

Probably the worst time in a person's life is when they have to kill a family member because they are the devil. But otherwise it's been a pretty good day.

Tags: | Emo Philips,Life,Time,Good,

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.

Tags: | Emo Philips,Work,Night,Bicycle,

How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.

Tags: | Emo Philips,People,Hand,Here,

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

Tags: | Emo Philips,Alone,Night,Thanks,

I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.

Tags: | Emo Philips,Door,Friend,Kid,

I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don't seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.

Tags: | Emo Philips,Pain,Know,Real,

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Tags: | Emo Philips,Life,Good,School,

Some mornings, it's just not worth chewing through the leather straps.

Tags: | Emo Philips,Worth,Through,Leather,

Emo Philips

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Emo Philips - Images
Emo Phillips (Creator) - TV Tropes
An acerbic breath of the ridiculous: A Q&A with Emo Philips
Emo Philips LIVE in London - '90 - YouTube

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