Adam Carolla Quotes

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In my early 20s I was so miserable doing construction, I wanted something that paid money. I liked nice stuff. I liked cars and architecture, and things that cost money. I wanted to not swing a hammer, and make money... and not do stuff that was dirty. I attempted to get into comedy. I started to do stand-up, but I wasn't very good at it.

Tags: | Adam Carolla,Money,Good,Cars,

If you want to have a good life, you should focus on your family, on your business, on your dog, on your fun, and you'll have a good life.

Tags: | Adam Carolla,Life,Family,Good,

My first car was a motorcycle.

Tags: | Adam Carolla,Motorcycle,First,

I think we're getting to the point where everyone's getting fat and everyone's getting allergic, or claims to be allergic to something and people can't walk from their front door to their car without a bottle of water in their hand because they have to hydrate every three and half steps.

Tags: | Adam Carolla,Water,Door,People,

I swear my car won't run unless I'm picking my nose: At least, I'm that superstitious about it, so I don't want to take any chances.

Tags: | Adam Carolla,Want,Nose,Run,

When you have kids, you instantly feel that you do not want to do them wrong. Those dads that go off to Florida and start a new life, I couldn't imagine that: seeing my kid once every Christmas, every three years. If I'm gone for six days it feels like too much.

Tags: | Adam Carolla,Life,Start,Want,

I don't know anything about computers.

Tags: | Adam Carolla,Know,Anything,About,

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'

Tags: | Adam Carolla,Daughter,Humor,Fire,

The reason why you know more funny dudes than funny chicks is that dudes are funnier than chicks. If my daughter has a mediocre sense of humor, I'm just gonna tell her, 'Be a staff writer for a sitcom. Because they'll have to hire you, they can't really fire you, and you don't have to produce that much. It'll be awesome.'

Tags: | Adam Carolla,Funny,Daughter,Fire,

Adam Carolla

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Adam Carolla (@adamcarolla) | Twitter
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